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Robbie,

I loved the term "newly required wife." It speaks to the whole idea that some people have a need to find a replacement spouse as fast as possible, as if it were a "requirement."

I too, had some difficulty with the sentence spacing though. It sort of breaks up the flow of the reading to not have the paragraphs whole.

~Susan~

Its formatting between the machine Robbie's sending from and the TBD servers. Not sure why, but it happens a lot to some users.

Robbie, nice opening, good hook. However, past tense passive story telling. It dampened your piece a lot for me. I wanted you to put me inside Dana's mind. I need to feel what she feels, or I can't feel the revelation that occurs with the remission.

Example...Dana was in a lot of pain. She knew her time was close at hand. She chose to go home from the hospital, with a health Aide. So she could spend as much time as possible with her children.

Dana's illness caused her to have bad days and good days. But her bad days out numbered the good ones

Lookng at the above, you pass a lot of time passively. Tell us, in her thoughts, about the pain, get us to feel it. Tell us the desperate feelings behind going home with the Health Aide just to be near the children. Its a good piece, with real potential, but you need to get into the grit of it and sell it. Good job

Thanks Macleod, for your constructive criticism and comment. Thanks for explaining about the formatting involving the machine and TBD servers. I never space between each sentence. But as soon as I submit my story, there goes the space after each sentence. And it's very annoying. As for me getting deeper into my storyline, where you can actually feel the pain with Dana, I did have it in my original story. But I rewrote parts of the story to make it shorter for the site. But I guess by doing that, I took away some of the parts that I should've left in. Sometimes, it doesn't pay to change your original work. By doing that, I took away a lot from the context. Thanks, again for your opinion.

Probably an awful lot to say in that few words! But you did a good job of telling us about the rawness and reality of life! Thanks

But I guess by doing that, I took away some of the parts that I should've left in.

Well, we all want to see the originals!!! GRIN. Break them up a bit and post. There's a lot there in what you wrote, I'd love to see it fleshed out.

Thank you very much for your comment. It's really sad, when someone you love can hurt you so badly,

Inventive, the mechanics of writing are hard, but it will come to you with practice. My best friend is the grammar and spell check. Shirley