I am gonna stick my neck out a lil.. I have wanted to ask a simular question..but rarely talk sex on TBD.. I have been separated since July..don't know IF we will get back together not feelin it at all..He has asked for a booty call..I feel bad for him, I KNOW he is waitin for me, so he goes without.. but sex to me is more then sex. I don't want to give mixed signals or lead him on..We both have regrets as to our part in where we are today. I am a giver, he was a taker..his account is overdrawn. I am empty..

I feel the same way about ...the sex is more than sex. I want to make love to her heart as much as to her body.

While I was separated I decided I would not have sex with anyone but my wife, if she wanted. However, I think she had someone on the side and I decided she didn't need (or want) my love. I really wanted to work things out, but she was so much into herself.

I feel bad for you..I feel bad for him..I feel bad for me.. I wish it were an easy fix.. My husband and I were together 25 years, married 22. at 19 he slap my rose colored glasess off..He wasn't sure if we would make 20 year mark. That made me sit up and take notice! We were no longer meeting each others needs(I am not talkin sexually, that seemed fine) You say your wife is really into herself.. with me I gave and gave..I was always the one to apologize when we argued, He could say He was never turned down for sex once in the first 20 years (with the exception of the first 4 times, before the first time:) A person is kinda like a bank.. IF no deposit are being made, and only withdrawals (that was what I meant by feeling empty)You feel bankrupt.. I don't feel like I have anything left to give..I care for him, want the best for him..but I am sure he thinks I am into myself too, but really it is call survival mode..

25 years is a lot to throw away...Mine was 20yrs. Have you ever thought of telling him 'what you need the most'? You say you want the best for him.... Have you considered that YOU might be whats best for him? With a little help from you...he might become the best for you.

Wishing you the best.

Guess nobody else saw the original ?...

Or maybe they were not at a point where they could discuss it. There can be a lot of trauma in separation.

yes...but at what sacrifice? what about what is best for her? and she is not his therapist...sometimes help needs to come from other sources, especially when there is abuse is involved...and yes...when someone is clearly only thinking of themselves, this is emotional abuse on the other...

you both need to come to the table with a full plate...that you may share from the other. if only one comes with a full plate and the other half or not at all, then they will drain that person dry...and this person would never feel like they can rely on their spouse for true intimacy and over time become exhausted.

i really believe you, nascar girl, when you say you care about him...but we can still care about others well being without carrying their burdens, needs, wants...ect.

it has to be about you just as much as him and if he doesn't understand this, then move on...and God speed