My daughter has recently left her husband with her two children. Some of the principles might still help, even though you are the injured party.

Your marriage is crumbling, and you know it. You dread staying another minute. How do you leave?

Slowly, carefully and counting every dime, says Violet Woodhouse, a divorce lawyer in Newport Beach, Calif.

"When the emotional drive to leave is so strong that you just want out, you need to step back," Woodhouse says. "You're not being rational at that point, and it can damage you financially."

Take the time -- two to six months -- to plan an exit strategy that will protect your financial security. Surviving divorce is misery enough; you don't want to suffer unnecessary financial hardship on top of it.

Beat the odds

Woodhouse remembers a client who came to her hoping to leave her husband immediately. "She wanted to file then and there," says Woodhouse, the author of "Divorce & Money: How to Make the Best Decisions During Divorce.""I told her that made no sense. She had two kids to think about. I said she had a lot more work to do."

Readers talk: What would you have done differently?

Like Woodhouse's client, many women are so upset that it's difficult for them to make their financial well-being the priority it should be. That's one reason for this sobering statistic: After a divorce, a woman's standard of living is likely to drop by more than one-fourth -- 27% -- according to a landmark study in 1996 by Richard Peterson, then a sociologist at the Social Science Research Council in New York.

Because you are suffering emotional trauma, you need expert legal and financial advice to begin with.

Love and prayers,

Lois

Thank you 'so' much Lois for your words of encouragement, I sincerely appreciate it. Sincerely,

I've been there.. fortunately my ex was too busy with the new person in his life to take care of finishing the divorce immediately, so I had plenty of time to think and regain my equilibrium before making decisions. All I can tell you is that what seemed to be the biggest trauma of my life at the time has actually turned out to be an incredible time of growth and blessing for me (I'm talking eight years out now). Hang in there... you are not forsaken.. I will pray.

Oh Kat, I can not even thank you 'enough' for your encouragement, support, and 'prayers!'. Bless you, and I too will keep you in prayer as the Lord brings you to mind and heart.

In Him,

Selina.

I will pray for you and him sounds like he hasn't considered the only reason Christ condoned divorce in the case your spouse was unfaithful. I know in reality there are others such as abuse but you didn't mention that, you are still God's precious child even if you don't feel loved at the moment, mabe He can use you better as a single person. None of these things will help right now but at night when nothing but thoughts are there they are a start.

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I know how painful it can be as I was where you are now . My pastor husband had an affair with a married woman in the church and I raised my 3 children by myself. They were 6 weeks, 2 and 4. The Lord sustained me and used this to help me be completely dependent on Him. My strength is sufficient for thee, made perfect in weakness. Jeriamah 33.3